It’s been over a month since my husband and I accepted a job as a caregiver to a 90 (just turned 91) year old woman named Alice. The opportunity came suddenly but as time has gone on I marvel at how perfectly suited this situation is for our current needs and smile knowing that God handpicked it for not only Alice but my husband and myself. To be honest with you I panicked the week before we were scheduled to move. I kept thinking.. what if I can’t make Alice happy.. what if she doesn’t like me…?   My husband reminded me that the Scriptures never command us to make someone happy.. only to serve and love them. I married a smart man!

So, here we are a month later and I can honestly say that my fears were unfounded. God has exceeded my expectations in the gift He has given me in Alice.  She has not only opened her home to us but her heart. She has made us feel welcome and like we’re part of her family.  She doesn’t treat me like an employee but as her friend.  I’m finding great joy in serving her and making her comfortable. Honestly, it’s been easy to fall in love with her. It blesses me so much when I ask her if there is anything else I can do for her and she simply says, “Nope. I’m happy.” 

I’m a planner.. sometimes to my discredit. This past year I thought through a multitude of possibilities of where we might live next. I imagined us living in everything from a motorhome to my mother’s house. Moving into Alice’s home and caring for her was no where in the plans.  I wasted a lot of time in ‘over thinking mode’ when I could have been using those moments worshiping God and serving others. It won’t be time wasted though if I can learn from it. I find that recently when I begin trying to micro-manage my future I suddenly remember how amazingly God orchestrated this move and immediately I am reminded that God does a much better job of  taking care of my future than I do. I am learning to ‘rest’ in His sovereign hands. 

Alice and I are settling into a routine and our days are beginning to establish a hum.. a rhythm. I’m learning her needs and how to make her comfortable. Before I moved in I set up a housekeeping schedule for her home. The first Monday after we moved here I pulled out my schedule and began cleaning. Alice said, ‘what are you doing? Why don’t you sit down and relax? Nothing needs to be cleaned.’  Alice has kept a very neat and clean home but she is teaching me (slow as it may be on my part) that a person doesn’t always need to be busy. I could learn a lot from Alice… and I’m sure I have much more to learn.

I’m also learning some new lessons in frugality that Alice is teaching me. I’m learning how to clean less and thereby use less water, cleansers and electricity.. to wash less loads of laundry each week and to use less lights and water. These are great lessons that will help stretch our income if we’re ever given the opportunity to live in our own home again.

I am continuing to learn deeper lessons in loving God and others. There is joy in serving.

Jesus came to serve… and not to be served. He gave His life as a ransom for many. I don’t serve perfectly. I’ve had moments where I’m tempted to put my own needs first. I’ve struggled at times with the changes my life has taken over the past few years as my husband’s disability has kept us closer to home and more isolated. But.. in spite of these  lapses of giving into my selfish nature I am finding a renewed love for the One who was the ultimate servant as I learn to follow His example in serving others and putting their needs ahead of my own.

I have so much more to learn.

Are you learning the joy of serving others?  Is there a widow in your family that needs your help? Or possibly an elderly neighbor?

 

I’ve moved enough in the last 5 years to feel as if I could qualify for the ‘professional mover’ title. I’ve learned a few tips a long the way that have been very helpful. Maybe these tips might help someone else. 

 

 Items needed:

• Black Sharpie markers
• Masking tape
• Packaging tape
• A ton of free boxes
• Colored round (garage sale) stickers
• Black garbage bags with tie strings
• Newspaper 

 - Make a ‘Moving Notebook’ where you keep all your important paperwork and checklists for the move. Be sure to keep track of the places you call to change your address, a sheet where you keep reminders, etc. 

- De-clutter as you pack. Have a box nearby for give away items. The more you get rid of the less you’ll have to move.

- Pack in stages. If you have a move date that is a few weeks or more down the road use the weeks ahead  to ‘pre-pack’. This strategy helps take the pressure off those last few hectic days before the move. Go through each room of the house and pack things you can live without until the moving date. Do this each week because the closer you get to the move the less items you’ll need.  Leave the boxes in their original room (well marked with specific items listed on the outside of the box) so you can find an item quickly if need be.

- Color code the boxes and link to a map of the rooms in your new house. For instance, the kitchen could be a red round sticker (office supply stores sell garage sale stickers with multiple colors). Then make a map of the house and place a red sticker on the kitchen area and another red sticker on the box(es) of kitchen items. Make several maps and place them at the entrance of the house so that when your ‘movers’ bring in a box with a colored sticker they can look at the map and know which room to place the box. Be sure to also write the destination on the box in case the sticker falls off. This will help take the pressure off of YOU as the ‘go to gal’.

-  Become friends with the produce manager at your local grocery store. I like the apple boxes best for packing because they are not too large and have a nice top. I also use banana boxes because they stack well and work great for larger items. Wine boxes work well for plates. Ask the produce manger what is the best time of day to pick up boxes and then call first thing the next morning.  Let him know you’ll be there immediately to pick them up. ALWAYS get a TON more boxes than you think you’ll need. Guaranteed you’ll need more than you can imagine.You can also check Freecycle to see if anyone is getting rid of their moving boxes.

- You can post on Freecycle that you have moving boxes for pickup once the move is over. They should go fast. Or better yet, check to see if your city has a cardboard recycler who will pay you for your cardboard.

-  Purchase a box of heavy black garbage bags (I bought mine at Costco) that have colored tie strings. I use these for pillows, blankets, bedspreads, towels and odd shaped items that won’t fit into a box. Label the bag with a piece of masking tape.

-  I also use black garbage bags to cover my clothes which keeps them from getting dirty. I gather no more than 5 items on a hanger and use rubber bands to tie the tops of the hanger together. Make sure you use clothes pins to secure any clothes that look like they will slip off the hanger. Pierce a hole in the bottom of the garbage bag and place the group of hangers through the hole. I cover all the clothes we won’t be wearing weeks ahead of the move and leave them hanging in the closet. Just leave the clothes unwrapped that you’ll wear the final days.  This practice makes it very easy to transport clothes without items falling off and getting dirty. If you’re using a moving van you can hang the clothes on the side rails in the van.

-  Cook food ahead of time and freeze so you don’t have to cook the first week you’re in your new home while you’re unpacking and trying to get settled.

-  If friends come to help they could put new shelf paper on the kitchen shelves while you’re busy doing other things. I have 3 goals the first day we move in. 1). Beds  2). Eating and drinking utensils  3) Bathroom necessities such a T.P., towels and toothbrushes. If at all possible it’s best to keep these boxes separated so you can find them easily.  If you have important medications make sure you take them personally in your own vehicle.

-  Our pastor taught me to make sure every single item is in a box before the move. Make sure there are no stragglers.

-  Feed your movers. Ex: Pizza, Kentucky Fried Chicken are both quick and easy solutions. My mom and sister were not able to help with the actual move this time but offered to be our rest stop. They made a wonderful lunch for the movers and gave us a warm place to rest.

-  Save your movers backs by not packing too many heavy items in one box.

-  Use your towels and sheets to wrap around your breakable glasses and dinnerware. Wrapping dishes in newspaper can leave them dirty.

 

 

 

 

• LIVING SMALL demands less of my time to clean which allows more time to invest in eternal priorities.   
• LIVING SMALL forces me to make the most of the space that I do have. Our new little cottage has less storage than we previously had so it forced me to consider and evaluate each item I own (literally). That is a good thing because it helps me to narrow my priorities in what I own! Less stuff equals less to take care of.
• LIVING SMALL helps to harness the shopping bug (a.k.a. GREED). I used to enjoy browsing the stores which generally ended up in another purchase. But no longer! I just don’t have the room for anything else unless I get rid of something.  I honestly have lost all desire to window shop which in the long run is saving me money and helping me to live more comfortably on a very limited budget.
• LIVING SMALL has helped me to focus more on my important relationships than on STUFF>

 

This is our main living space. Our kitchen is on the left.  I’ve stored our canned food out in the garage in cabinets. My ‘office’ is to the right of this picture in the lower left hand corner.

Same room just from a different view.  The door straight back  is the laundry room which we share with our little lady plus a bathroom.  The hall leads to her home.

My ‘office’. The closet holds half of our clothes. Our little lady (Mrs. A.) has been gracious to allow us the use of an extra closet in her home. I really think we could get by with this one closet if we had to. Maybe I’ll downsize our clothes this year.     Our bedroom. Our bed just barely fit. We had less than a foot at the end but lots of space on the sides. Our BB (beloved pet) sleeps on the pillow next to the bed.

We moved a week earlier into our new little abode. I’ve finished unpacking all the boxes. I found a place for all the essentials (and a few non-essentials) and it already feels like home. I am falling in love with the precious older woman that the Lord has given us to care for. We talk about Jesus throughout the day and are enjoying getting to know one another. I hope to post pictures soon but I need to do a bit of fine tuning on some areas first.

I’m studying the topic of ‘guidance’ and came across this poem in a book by Sinclair Ferguson. It greatly expresses the desires of my heart even though there are times I resist His plan I do so want His will in my life …

Thy way, not mine,  Lord,

However dark it be!

Lead me by Thine own hand,

Choose out the path for me.

 

Smooth let it be or rough,

It will be still the best;

Winding, or straight, it leads

Right onward to Thy rest.

 

I dare not choose my lot,

I would not if I might;

Choose Thou for me, my God,

So shall I walk aright.

 

The kingdom that I seek

Is Thine, so let the way

That leads to it be Thine

Else I must surely stray.

 

Take Thou my cup, and it

With joy or sorrow fill,

As best to Thee may seem;

Choose Thou my good and ill.

 

Choose Thou for me my friends,

My sickness or my health;

Choose Thou my cares for me,

My poverty or wealth.

 

Not mine, not mine the choice,

In things or great or small;

Be Thou my Guide, my Strength,

My Wisdom, and my All.

 

                  Horatius Bonar

 

(Picture used by permission from allposters.com)

 

 

What’s one thing you could do this year to increase your enjoyment of God?

 

 

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given;

and the government shall be upon His shoulder

 and His name shall be called Wonderful Counselor,

 Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

 Isaiah 9:6

I am discovering this Christmas is very different from past ones due to our financial downsizing. I can remember spending hours and weeks shopping for the family and then just as long wrapping. Then there were weeks of baking and delivering goodies to friends and loved ones. By the time Christmas came (and even up to the night before) I was still running back to the stores thinking I didn’t have enough and looking for just ‘one more gift’. I crawled out of bed on Christmas morning feeling beyond exhaustion. It was fun in a crazy, insane kind of way. But, living on less money has brought it’s own kind of peace in the midst of the chaotic storm of December that I’m frankly enjoying.

I can remember reading excerpts from Laine’s Letters on her gift giving budget of $3.00 per person and wondering how anyone could buy a decent gift for that amount. (She made a specific effort to point out that she prayed for the Lord to give her ‘eyes to see’ before she entered a store).  The thought stuck with me and now, more than 8 plus years since I first read her letters, I am seeing that it’s very possible to give less and still bless the person you are gifting. I love to look back over the years and see how the Lord has brought different people into my life that have radically impacted my way of thinking and prepared me for the life that He has given me the past few years.

This year I cut my gift giving budget down to a third of what we normally spend. Practically speaking that means I targeted to spend $20.00 on each grandchild. The adults have exchanged names this year with a $20.00 budget per gift. I have 7 grandchildren that I buy gifts for. I also have 3 birthdays in December. I asked their parents to give me suggestions which was very helpful and then I watched the sales. I was able to find a nice gift for each child… one that they had hoped for.

 

A few of the BEST gifts I received for Christmas last year

 performing for Grammy!!!

 

Staying out of the stores this time of year has been essential to sticking with my budget. I’ve had one point this month (thankfully it was while I was at home) that I panicked feeling that I had not given enough. If I had been in the stores regularly or reading the sale ads I’m sure I would have given into the pressure to buy more. When I really took time to look at the panic I realized it was a fear that my grandchildren would not love me as much because I was unable to buy them more. Once I evaluated the fear I could see it was ridiculous.. I am not loved because of what I can or cannot give at Christmas. If I am.. then we have a serious problem.

As much as I love to give gifts I can see the downsizing as a very good thing (if received in a godly manner) to not be bombarded with every material thing the heart desires. Do you remember that episode of Little House on the Prairie where the children were snowed in and it looked like they were not going to receive any gifts for Christmas?  Remember Mr. Edwards? He came at the very last minute and brought oranges I believe and maybe a few small trinkets. The children (and Mrs. Ingall) were overwhelmed with gratefulness. Can you imagine the response from a child in this generation if they were given just an orange as a gift? Their expectations have been raised by the abundance of a prosperous time in the history of our nation. As our economy (and the nations) downsizes I’m hoping so will their expectations.

There will not be the crazy wild tearing of a gazillion packages with paper flying everywhere this year. I’ll kind of miss that in one way. I do love to give and see the excitement on a child’s face when they see a mountain of presents. But, my heart is content knowing that God has sovereignly assigned the amount of money He has given and it is all working into His plan for my good and therefore the good of my children and grandchildren and all involved. That contentment brings far greater pleasure than a mountain of gifts ever could.

 I continue to learn in God’s school that age old lesson that Paul spoke about several thousand years ago …

 

But godliness actually is a means of great gain, when accompanied by contentment.

 For we have brought nothing into the world, so we cannot take anything out of it either.

 And if we have food and covering, with these we shall be content. 1 Tim 6:6-9  NASB

 

Has your family cut back on your budget for Christmas this year? How has it effected you personally? What did you do to cut back? 

I’ve become fond of the story of Moses the past few years ..especially the exodus from one place to the unknown. I was thinking about this story quite often the past few weeks. Maybe you’ll understand when I tell you our new plans…

A few weeks ago my husband and I interviewed for a job as a caregiver in the town where 2 of my children and their families live. We’ve been praying to move back close to our family and my mother and now it seems that God has answered our prayers.  We will be caring for a 90 year old woman who in exchange will provide a studio apartment and a small salary. I will cook two meals a day along with light housekeeping. We’re free to come and go as we please since she is still self-sufficient and very independent. We’ve known her son and his family for years so it’s not like we’ll be taking care of a complete stranger. 

My mother will be within walking distance. I haven’t lived in the same town with her for over 18 years. She’s needing a bit more help the older she gets so I’ll be thankful to live so close.  Five of my grandchildren will once again be close by. I’ve missed being a part of their lives on a regular basis. I’m already dreaming of how I can spend more time with them. 

 

                                                                                          Celebrating Mama’s birthday at my son’s house this year.

So.. the paring down continues. Our new home will be close to the same size as the one we’re living in now. The only difference will be that we won’t have the extra storage we have in the barn. I’ve spent the past few weeks going through paperwork, paring down cookbooks, setting aside clothes we don’t wear, tossing out old business paperwork and going through my books to save only the best of the best. I won’t start packing until after Christmas so I’m using this time to look over everything within our small little home to make sure it’s absolutely essential to take along for our next move. Living in small quarters has really given me a sense of what is truly essential to our daily existence. It has really simplified my life.

I’m assuming I won’t have a lot of time to keep up with blogging this next month so I wanted to wish all of you a blessed Christmas. I hold so many of you close to my heart. My prayer for you and me is that our hearts will lay hold of the beauty of our Savior this Christmas and that He will truly be the greatest gift.

 

 

 

Grieving June Cleaver

Posted on 11.30.10 by Mary Kassian

Actress Barbara Billingsley, best known for portraying the quintessential supermom on the television comedy ”Leave It to Beaver,” died recently at age 94. In her signature role as June Cleaver, Billingsley personified the ideal middle-class mother and housewife in an era when relatively few American women with children worked outside the home.

June Cleaver was presented as a flawless housewife cheerfully running a home: baking cookies, stuffing celery with peanut butter, vacuuming in high heels, preparing meals, greeting her husband with a kiss when he arrived home from work, and tucking in her two adorable sons at night.  June was kind, gentle, loving, and ever-patient. She was known for her signature line, “Ward, I’m very worried about the Beaver,” whenever her younger son got into trouble or seemed despondent. June’s life revolved around her family. Though college educated and capable of a career, she was happy and content in her role as a wife and stay-at-home mom. And therein lay the rub.

In the early sixties, a landmark book, “The Feminine Mystique,” burst onto the scene. It claimed that women were NOT happy as housewives—at least they shouldn’t be happy in that role!  Those women who were content as wives and moms simply hadn’t had their eyes opened to the extent of their oppression. Men had duped them to believe that a June Cleaver-type of existence was worthwhile and satisfying, when, in fact, such a role was subservient, and demeaning. As this feminist message spread, women in the sixties and seventies began to vilify Billingsley’s June Cleaver ideal.

Fast-forward the tape fifty years. A whole generation has had its consciousness raised to believe the idea that homemaking and caring for family is demeaning to women. The June Cleaver “Leave it to Beaver” ideal for womanhood has been replaced with a Carrie Bradshaw “Sex & the City” one. We’ve denigrated the value of marriage, children, home, self-sacrifice, and morality, and elevated the value of independence, career, self-indulgence, and sexual freedom. And our marriages and families have suffered as a result.

Today’s women have realized the feminist dream of being freed from the June Cleaver feminine mystique. But studies indicate that they are more miserable than ever before.

So what are we to do? Should we start playing “Leave it to Beaver” re-runs and tell women they’d be happy if they followed June Cleaver’s example? Should we encourage them to start wearing high heels and pearls while vacuuming? Should we run advertising campaigns that glorify the value of ironing, or disparage women who can’t bake cookies from scratch?

Some people romanticize the fifties, and believe that women would be happy if they squeezed themselves back into that mold. But woman’s happiness does not come from checking off all the boxes on someone’s “perfect woman” list. According to the Bible, happiness flows out of a right relationship with Jesus Christ. Until the spiritual aspect of a woman’s life is in order, her happiness will remain an elusive goal.

That said, the folks in the fifties did get some things right. They placed a high value on character, marriage, children, and morality. They recognized that God created men and women with differences that, when honored, contribute to the well-being and stability of the home. Though not the ultimate foundation of happiness, every woman knows that when her marriage, children, home and relationships are doing well, she feels a whole lot happier than when they are not.

Barbara Billingsley said in 2000, during an interview for the Archive of American Television. “June was a loving, happy stay-at-home mom, which I think is great.” Asked to compare real-life families to TV families, she responded, “I just wish that we could have more families like those. Family is so important, and I just don’t think we have enough people staying home with their babies and their children.” She maintained that “women who stay at home to care for their children may find in it the best—and most important—job they’ll ever have.”

Whether a woman ought to pursue an education, career, or have a job outside of the home is not at question here. The question in my mind is, “Do we as a society believe that family is so important that we uphold caring for home and children as the best and most important job a woman might ever have?”

Let’s just hope that this quintessential June Cleaver-ish idea hasn’t died along with Barbara Billingsley.

References:
http://edition.cnn.com/2010/SHOWBIZ/celebrity.news.gossip/10/16/obit.barbara.billingsley/
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/17/arts/television/17billingsley.htm

The American Dream… even as Christians we often buy into it and equate happiness with what we own instead of our union with Christ. Our worth becomes tied to the size of house we own or what kind of car we drive or our husband’s profession.  We may not realize it until our net worth is stripped from our clutching hands and we’re suddenly faced with this lie head on.  The pull is strong .. very strong.. to live up to the materialistic standards raised by our nation. I feel it possibly stronger than some because I have been plucked out of a life of abundance by God’s sovereign hand and placed in a situation that is so opposite of what most would consider ‘success’.

Yet, life continues as usual … 

Three of my precious little pea pods came to visit Bapa and I last weekend and spend the night. I’ve missed them so, so much. We are now an hour’s drive from two of our children and their families so our visits are farther apart. I was so happy, happy that three of my sweet peas were able to come and spend the night.

 

They do just fine in our small, little place (less than 300 sq. ft.) and do all the things they normally did when we lived in a home 10 times this size.  On Saturday afternoon my granddaughter was climbing up the ladder to see the cat that lives in the loft above our studio when she turned to me and said, “Grammy, do you wish that you lived in a bigger house?” I looked at her sweet face for just a moment and then confidently responded, “Sweetie, Bapa and I are just as content as we can be living here because we know this is where God wants us to be”.  Immediately, she was satisfied with my answer and turned to finish her journey upstairs.

 

 

It’s true, you know! We are content!

A long time friend of mine remarked the other day that ‘this’ situation would have driven me nuts if it had happened over 10 years ago. I pondered for a moment what had made the difference in my life. It didn’t take long to know the answer.. I’ve learned what my purpose is here on earth.. to bring Him glory.

So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.  1 Cor 10:31   ESV

 If He chooses for me to live in 300 sq. ft. then I can best bring Him glory by embracing His will for my life and learning to be content in whatever He chooses.

Life is no longer about what makes ME happy but about what brings HIM glory.