November 16, 2005
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A Husband’s Criticism
Daily we are given an opportunity in our homes and in our relationships outside the home, to take up offense and hold grudges for seeming wrongs we felt have been done to us. The possibility for conflicts are thrown at us from all directions. We have daily opportunities to get offended at our spouses by their tone of voice, their lack of appreciativeness or their unwillingness to help us with our workload. We don’t have to look far to find countless opportunities to take up offenses.
Each time we are faced with a conflict we have an opportunity to either glorify God or sow to the flesh. When we respond to a conflict in a godly manner we are testifying to the greatness and power of a living God. How you may ask? By showing that it is far better to obey the God we serve than to live for ourselves. Our response testifies to the greatness of the God we serve and others can’t help but take notice.
Yet, when we respond in sinful anger to someone’s sin against us or their criticism, we have brought the enemy right into the midst of that situation. James 3:15 says that where there is strife you’ll find confusion and every evil work.
The battle begins at our thought level. When opportunities arise to be offended, IMMEDIATELY bring the thought into line with Scripture. Put off the old man and his ways and responses, RENEW your MIND with God‘s Word, and PUT ON the godly action. Eph. 4:22-24
So, let’s say for instance that your husband criticizes you for not keeping up with the laundry or doesn’t like the dinner you spent hours preparing. Immediately, you have a choice to make. Are you going to bring glory to God in this situation by receiving his correction or will you fight back and defend yourself?
Prov 15:1 – A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
There is nothing wrong, if done in a gentle, humble spirit to respond to a wrong accusation with the truth if you believe you have clearly done nothing wrong. But, first check your heart to see if you are responding out of an attitude of pride. Consider carefully what the other person is saying. Is there any truth to it? Have you been negligent? Did you do the thing that you are accused of? And even if you did not do it, can you learn something from it? Will defending yourself help the situation or only cause more conflict. There may even be times that you KNOW that you KNOW that you are right. But, you can see by taking a stand for your rights that you are headed for strife. It’s better at this point to gently drop the matter and if absolutely necessary, wait for a better time to talk about it.
Prov 17:14 – The beginning of strife is {like} letting out water, so abandon the quarrel before it breaks out.
Consider our Savior, who being found innocent endured the accusation of evil men without a word to justify Himself. 1 Peter 2
The puritans taught that criticism should be accepted as our dearest friend. Not an easy pill to swallow at the first thought of it. But, think this through. If we can accept criticism as our friend then we are embracing the fact that we are a sinner in need of a Savior. Many times we are blinded to our own sin but others, oftentimes, can see our sin much clearer. Oftentimes, the Lord uses others to correct and admonish us. (Gal. 6:1, Romans 15:14, 1 Thess. 5:14) This should be seen as a gift from the Lord. We do not want to continue in sin and bring dishonor to God, right? Criticism becomes a blessing if it’s received as if from the Lord’s hand, which in reality, nothing comes our way that is not first allowed from God.
You would have no power over me if it were not give to you from above. John 19:10-11
God is first cause in all things. Our lives will be blessed if we can receive criticism as coming directly from His hand. Don’t fear it. Keep your eyes off the person giving the criticism and see it as from God’s hand. Look at it… examine your life and your heart, praying and asking the Lord if there is any truth to it.. And then do what is within your power to change.
Rom 12:18 – If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.
Prov 17:14 -The beginning of strife is {like} letting out water, so abandon the quarrel before it breaks out.
Prov 9:8 – Do not reprove a scoffer, lest he hate you, reprove a wise man, and he will love you.
Prov 12:15 – The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man is he who listens to counsel.
Prov 29:11 – A fool always loses his temper, but a wise man holds it back.
Prov 20:3 – Keeping away from strife is an honor for a man, but any fool will quarrel.
May we live [coram deo] before the face of God!
Georgene
Comments (7)
Hi Georgene. I’ve missed hearing from you for a few days. I have been trying to do this regarding my son….he is the critical one in the family. My husband has been trying to discipline him when he feels ds is being disrespectful, but I am trying to keep quiet and find ways to show him love. Thank you for this confirmation. Love, Jeani
Georgene! Great post! How quickly I am to defend myself! Thanks. Jenn
Hey Girl :O)
Great Post!!!!
I have been going through the 40 days of purpose with my church. Today is the last day in my reading. But through it i have learned some things. & one of them i was that the Lord pointed out to me that i was holding onto & carrying around unforgiveness in my heart from a hurt to a degreee that i was. I thought it was just me feeling hurt….but it was really that i was carrying around unforgiveness & didn’t even know it. What a shock that was to me when i discovered that. I repented immediately!!! & i tell u the weight that i had carried around from the hurt just was lifted to such a degree that i had actually felt i had lost weight. It was life changing for me. God is so AWESOME!!!
Have a blessed day :O)
I have found, (after MANY years of marriage), a gentle answer does, indeed, turn away wrath. In fact it usually serves as a rebuke to the wrathful husband. Ephesians 5:22-33 lays it out perfectly, I think. And when it says for a husband to love his wife as Christ loves the church, (v 25), and it says further, that he is to love his wife as himself, (v28), I have a hard time believing the husband is to deal with the wife in wrath unless he would want to be dealt with in like manner. In verse 33, the husband is admonished to love his wife, while the wife is instructed to respect her husband. Interesting choice of words, no? However, due to prior verses, I think the husband is also to show respect for the wife. If that is NOT what it means, then as a wife you are NOT told to love your husband, just to respect him.
Trying to be a submissive wife, in Christ, can be difficult if your desire is to abide by the letter of the law. But, aha!, we do NOT live under the law! Therefore, it’s quite acceptable for you to feel hurt if you’ve been criticized by the one who is to love you and treat you as well as he would himself.
What a good post. So easy to read but so hard to implement. I’m so thankful for the cross of Christ because with His grace we can overcome the temptation to carry around our hurts.
thanks for this post, I’ve been noticing this tendency in my life, and have been wanting to respond better to my husband’s criticism. Thanks for the information, Scripture, and help.
Very good on criticism. I’ve had to learn this the hard way and have had many times of anger with my husband. In the end, I’ve had to seek forgiveness for having a rotten attitude toward him and it helps to be reminded because we are so apt to repeating those offenses!