I am so enjoying my study on the names of God. How rich, full and personal this study is turning out to be!  I'm finding that the Lord is using His Names to increase my faith during this season of so many changes in our lives.

A few weeks ago I started studying the name, El Shaddai.  The name literally means 'God- the breasted One'.  Any mother who has breastfed her children will immediately understand this definition. She knows that her child depends on the nourishment from her breast to supply all of her needs.  This is the meaning behind El Shaddai. 'El' means power and 'shad' means ' breast' (or more specifically a 'woman's breast').

Last Sunday, God made Himself known to me as El Shaddai  through the generosity of two of our dear friends. We had decided  to stay home from church (a rarity in our lives) because my husband had been in extreme back pain the day before and had to be given a morphine shot in his hip. He was still dealing with quite a bit of pain the next morning even though it had lessened. The minute I got up and checked my email I saw that my friend Yvonne was waiting for me. She wanted to know if she and her husband could come and help us pack and move. Boy, could they!!!

I remember coming home from taking my husband to the Dr. the night before and crying out to God, "Lord, my husband will not be able to help me do anything else on this move because of his back! How will I ever get everything moved and packed on my own? Yet, I know you will provide and I'm trusting you!" And He did!

Between the two of them and my son helping on the last move we made 5 loads. My daughter and daughter-in-love and my mother have offered to come help this week. And then several other friends offered their help along with trailers and moving trucks plus one dear friend has brought me several loads of boxes.

What a faith-builder! What a God! He has provided AGAIN!  These acts of provision draw my heart closer and closer to my gracious, gracious God.

Oh, how I love Him!

*~*~*

This is a picture of my first grandchild as an infant! Joshua's head now reaches the top of my shoulder (and Grammy's hair is much more gray)!

This is the first time (and he says it may be the LAST) my husband has expressed a desire to write for my blog. He has given his advice over the years and read what I've written but he has never put his heart down on paper for others to read.. until now!

 I would like to introduce you to my husband, Kevin...

"I’m going to start this story by being focused on me, like I have been most of my life.  I want to talk about my life and (my stuff) and the changes the Lord has brought into our lives.

I was an owner operator trucker starting in 1983. After my oldest son turned 21 I decided to bring him into the company, so we incorporated and I bought another truck for him to drive. Soon after that I bought another truck and put a driver in it. Over the next few years I kept buying more trucks and expanding the business. My goal was to set things up for my wife and kids so that if anything happened to me they would be set for life. The problem was I was doing it for them, but they thought they were doing it for me, notice how God is not in the equation. We were up to 7 of our own trucks and brokering up to 50 or 60 outside trucks daily. The stress of the business was destroying my sons family life because we would drive 10 to 16 hours a day then come home and have to work on equipment till all hours of the night.   It finally came to a head after one of our trucks was involved in a fatality accident about four years ago. For the first time we sat down and I found out how much my family hated the stress of the business. So we shut everything down except my own truck.

Since our income had dropped we knew we needed to sell our ranchette. Our home didn’t sell for a year and a half. I was willing to work myself to the bone in order to not lose the house. I generally worked no less than ten hours a day to a more realistic 15 - 18 hours a day.

We had our home sold on four different occasions and for whatever reason it would always fall through,        (maybe because we were seeing what we could get with all that money). Through  circumstances beyond our control we ended up selling the place for $500,000.00 less than we were asking.  Once it sold we moved  back closer to all our kids. We bought  a house that cost more than we wanted to spend because it was simply a gorgeous place that had everything my wife wanted inside and a back yard that was to die for. That is a funny play on words because I realize now that was exactly what was happening, I was slowly dying spiritually, and physically trying to keep my stuff.

Some would say we were well off during those years. We weren’t rich  by American standards but well off. I told my dear wife many times that I didn’t mind working hard so I could have more stuff. That was my goal in life. Years ago we were very involved in our church and wanted to serve God with all that was within us. We paid cash  for everything and were able to tithe 10- 20 % of our gross not our net. The Lord blessed us financially. Pretty soon I started spending the Lords blessings on my stuff  instead of on spreading the kingdom of God. In three years time we have gone from owning a rental in town, and living in a 3,000sf home on a ten acre ranchette with a second home and a 40 x 60 shop, to a 1600sf home in town with a pool, out door kitchen, custom kitchen inside with lots of upgrades everywhere, to the currant location we are about to move into which is 300sf. Yes I said 300sf.

 I want to be very clear when I say that our small new home is a blessing from God. I have been so consumed with creating and getting stuff that I forgot that the purpose of my life was to glorify God, not my own desires. We have lost everything according to the worlds standards, but I can truly see that God has set me free from my stuff so I am freed up to glorify Him, and do what ever He wants.

Satan was using  my stuff to keep me from the fullness of what God had for me. People think sometimes that just because you are saved and serving God that you are ok, not at all. I was an elder at our church through all this. My wife and I served in the church any way we could and did whatever we were asked to do, but slowly because of having to work so many hours to keep up with everything I started getting spiritually and physically burnt out. It felt like I was working seven days a week between work, keeping up our property and working at church. I had lost that servants heart. I just couldn’t be asked to take on anymore. I was losing my relationship with the people at church because I didn’t feel like I had anything left to give them on top of everything else we were dealing with. So our Shepherd pastor released us from the church so we could find some place closer to where we live now to be able to connect with people again. (We moved about 45 mins. from our old church). We still haven‘t found a new home church.

Last night our old church had it’s harvest dinner and we were asked to be there. Oh what a blessing those people truly are. They love us and miss us almost as much as we do them. It was like coming home. We were welcomed like the prodigal son was welcomed home in Luke 15. The feast was not for us but they loved us and welcomed us with open arms. After all those feelings of, please don’t ask me for anything else  I have nothing to give, to, God what can I do to bless you and others. I have come full circle now to where I am more concerned with Gods kingdom and not concerned with my own.

The Lord was merciful to me in getting rid of all my stuff slowly. He knew I couldn’t do it all at once, so He allowed me to be able to sell some when we left the ranch to move to town, and slowly over this last year I have been able to sell off most everything else that I have left.

My body was physically coming apart over this last year.   I went from wanting to do whatever I had to keep my stuff, to being willing to do whatever I could to get out of pain. I am a big man who doesn’t show much emotion, but over this last year I have been in tears over the pain in my body many times. I believe the Lord knew what was ahead for me and was preparing me for it. I have to lean on my Heavenly Father to get me through the pain each day now. I know He will not give me more than I am able to bare. God has truly blessed us since I had to quit work. We have been able to get rid of a lot of our stuff, and He has blessed us with a studio apartment (rent free ) until my disability checks start coming in.

It is truly freeing not having to worry about my stuff any longer. I now have time to focus on God and what He wants me to do for the Kingdom. I want to be clear that I have no idea if our present circumstances are  Gods discipline because of my past actions, or if this is simply my Heavenly Father taking care of me. I just know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose Rom. 8:28. I know that I love Him and have been called by Him so what else matters? You can’t take your stuff with you when you die so it is of no value. God is HOLY, HOLY, HOLY and I only deserve His wrath, but because of what Christ did for me on that cross taking on my sin and the sin of the world I have been forgiven. I know that He who has began a good work in me will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus, Phil.1:6. Phil 3:7-16

“But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ  and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ — the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith.  I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11 and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.

 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.  Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,  I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

 All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you.  Only let us live up to what we have already attained. ”

I have always hated life and didn’t understand why God put me here on earth. I was never suicidal but I really didn’t care if I lived. I believe now that this time in my life may be exactly why God created me. I don’t know how much time the Lord will give me here on earth, and believe me I would rather be with Him than be here, but I know that from this day forward I will do everything I can to further the kingdom of God, that is why I am here for this time. He has used my whole miserable life to bring me to this place of total surrender to Him.

Please don’t feel sorry for us, this is the biggest and greatest blessing anybody could ever receive from the Lord. I don’t know how we will find the money to drive around to do what He will have us do, but I know that He will supply all our needs according to His riches in Christ Jesus, Phil.4:19. This is about to become the greatest season of our lives. I wrote this to encourage others going through similar things in their lives. I have never done anything like this before, but I hope the Lord will use it to glorify Him.

I want to acknowledge some people who helped me gain a greater knowledge of God. First and most important my precious wife Georgene, who stuck by me before I was saved and since.. Pastor Jerry Quillen for bringing me to the knowledge of Christ Jesus and especially my brother, my friend, my pastor Shepherd Mike Bettencourt who truly brought me to a deeper understanding of Gods Word and His true HOLINESS. You are awesome!"