September 16, 2008
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Instructing our children… even the grown ones!
She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.Prov 31:26
What a challenge it can be at times to open ones mouth AND teach with kindness.. especially when it comes to our own family. The ‘opening the mouth’ part comes easy but to do it with wisdom and to teach with kindness is the tricky part.
Last week I took a couple small truckloads of STUFF to my daughters for a garage sale. One of our customers was this sweet, kind older woman. One thing led to another in our conversation and she ended up sharing with me that she had lived with her daughter for over 20 years. I guess the daughter had moved in with her when she was in her 20′s and ended up staying after she married and even raised her children in her mother’s home.
I asked the mother how that had worked for her and she said GREAT! I asked what her secret was and she said she never interfered in her daughter’s life. I thought to myself.. ‘what a long, long time to not interfere’.
I ‘chewed’ on her words quite a bit since that day. I’ve had all my children, and their families, back under my roof (or on my property) at one time or another since they left home. So, there have been LOTS of opportunities to ‘open my mouth’. I’ve often searched God’s Word to try and understand ‘when’ and ‘if’ I am even instructed to do so. I filtered this precious older woman’s words through as many scriptures as I could recall and have come to the conclusion, again, that God has not called me to ALWAYS keep my mouth shut, even though at times it would be the easy thing to do. The scripture above is only one of many that confirms it! The Proverbs 31 woman OPENED her mouth with wisdom and taught with kindness.
Here are just a few commands where I would need to
OPEN MY MOUTH with wisdom:
* Admonish the disorderly (1 Thess. 5:14)
* Encourage the fainthearted (1 Thess. 5:14)
God’s Word instructs me HOW to speak:
* Let my speech be gracious and seasoned with salt (Col. 4:6)
* Avoid quarreling (Titus 3:2)
* Quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger (James 1:19)
God instructs me WHO to speak to and who NOT to speak to:
* Don’t speak to a fool ( Pr. 23:9)
* Don’t reprove a scoffer (Pr. 9:8)
* Do teach the younger women to love their husband, children, etc. (Titus 2)
Proverbs 31:26 instructs me to open my mouth with wisdom. That means I must know God’s Word for it alone can make me wise. If I don’t know His word then I can cause a lot of damage in OPENING MY MOUTH by becoming a busybody in my children’s lives! (1 Timothy 5:13)
I’m continually seeking God and His wisdom to know not only HOW to speak but also WHEN! I try very hard to ‘pick my battles’ and to not be continually finding fault. My desire is to spend more time in prayer and hopeful watching for the Holy Spirit to move in that child’s life than to always be pointing out a fault. Yet, there will be those times where the Lord will expect me to OPEN MY MOUTH in wisdom and TEACH in kindness.
Even if we have a grown child (grandchild, in-love) who won’t ‘hear’ our instruction, though given in kindness, we have a duty to continue to pray for them in that area.
Have you gals had any experience in this area or found any great counsel from God’s Word on if/when/how to open your mouth to your children and even your husband? I still have a lot to learn in this area.
Comments (8)
I understand what you are saying!!! My children aren’t married yet and only one has moved out, but three are adults and starting to form their own convictions. I spend alot of time in prayer for them!
Very interesting post. I’m good at the opening my mouth part but the rest needs work. My kids are first and third year in college. Oldest bought a bike and no helmet, I can only tell her I think they are a good idea and pray, I know nagging will not work….
I really enjoyed this post. I have had two adult children (and their families) move in more than once each. Each time they were in need. PLus, after Katrina hit, we were all in a fifth wheel camper for several weeks!!! WoW! That was allota people in a small space. I will just say that I seldom got in their business, but it was hard. Especially considering we were often on top of each other. I have 3 bedrooms and a full bath upstairs, so sleeping arrangements weren’t the problem. Jimbo and his wife and infant moved in so they could try to sell/lease their house before they went to seminary in New Orleans. They are now in Seminary in an apartment. I look forward to your post and I will come back often to reflect upon the scriptures you have listed above. I am currently reading Beth Moore’s book ” Jesus, The One and Only” Thanks for stopping by my site and commenting. Linda Jane ( VIshbobu’s sister in Miss)
Excellent counsel here. Thanks for sharing~
Oh, what an excellent post! Thanks for sharing this with us!
I think you missed the news about our new house while you were packing for your move etc? Well…it’s almost ours…..as I said VA came up with another hoop to jump through but hopefully all will go forward with our closing date of Sept. 30th. I want what God wants….so pray for His will to be accomplished. Thank you!
I usually take personal items off my site after a week goes by…..the internet kinda freaks me out.
Q.’
Wow! God definitely wanted me to read this tonight. Throughout our marriage (beginning with the first year) we’ve had people live with us who needed a place to live. Our kids are now 27, 29, 30 ~ and our 30 year old son and his wife have been living with us for over a year. (We have had each of our kids move back in once each – twice with this one – since being on their own. They are needy..) This brings challenges at times, for sure!
One of the hardest things – and one that we pray for continually – is that our oldest and youngest have not walked with the Lord since they became high schoolers. Both married girls who were not Christians. Our older son’s wife became one, but neither she nor he are walking with God at this time. The middle ”child” – our daughter – was one of my students who needed a family with which to live while she finished up high school. (We never legally adopted her, but we “adopted” each other.) She never did accept God’s salvation, though we lovingly shared with her, and we are praying that she and her husband will someday be saved.
I am usually non-confrontational, and tend to not say things, & if I do usually not unkindly. I do believe it is sometimes necessary to confront; however, what you said about the manner in which we do that is so important! I need to make sure that it is always in a loving manner. (And just tonight, I spoke in a frustrated manner: which may or may not have been a bad thing, considering the circumstances.) At any rate, I needed your meditation tonight, and am copying it into my journal so that I can meditate and pray over it some more. Thanks again for sharing some valuable counsel, Georgene. Blessings & Love in Christ ~ your sister, Carolyn
Very good post. I have also had our kids move back a few times. I think the lady is right. It was a hard lesson for me to learn just when to not think of our kids as OUR KIDS and start to treat them as adult people. When I did that though, then I was able to not tell them what or how to do things, just like I don’t tell others what to do. I think it is best not to say things unless they ask. Prayer does work the best. God bless!
Wow, you hit on a biggie in that we aren’t always called to keep our mouths closed! Seems it’s all too easy to open my mouth when I ought not to, and too easy to stay quiet when it’s time to speak up. I’m working on this one.. and the Lord is working in me. I see progress, but I’m definitely still a construction site~
What has helped me more than anything is realizing that I’m not called to speak right away. If I’m not sure if I should speak or not, then it’s better to wait and pray for discernment in the situation. I’m so thankful to God for His faithful leading… and for his patience with me~ So thankful, too, that you shared your heart, godly counsel, and what the Word has to say on the topic…