February 7, 2008
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Building Fences for Children (and ourselves)
I oftentimes think back on my child training days and thank God that He had mercy and grace on my children. My heart desired above all else to train them in God’s ways and I poured myself into the task. I did the best I knew to do with the knowledge I had at the time. Praise God that He is in control of my sanctification and that of my children. If we had to depend solely on our perfect parenting then none of us would have any hope!
I built a lot of fences around my children in those days. Not the wooden kind but the spiritual ones. I had many ’do and don’t’ lists that I hoped would protect them. Many of these fences were good and necessary and biblical. But, I can see so clearly now, that oftentimes too much of my focus was on the fence (the externals) rather than the heart (the internal).
Jerry Bridges, in his book called Transforming Grace, talks about his parents forbidding him to go to pool halls as a young man. Their main concern was that he would develop friendships with ungodly men. But, somehow they did not get this point across to their son and he grew up believing that a pool table was sinful. He was taken back one day when he moved to a Christian conference center and saw godly men playing on a beautiful antique pool table. He believes that the ‘fence’ his parents built was good and necessary but that their focus was unbiblical. His heart was the real issue, not the pool table.
As mothers (and grandmothers) we desperately need to know God’s Word in order to teach our children to rightly divide it.
I’ve spent quite a few years since my children have become adults tearing down some of those fences I diligently erected in their youth because they were extra-biblical rules and not scriptural. Many others I’ve reinforce with the ‘reason’ WHY they were built in the first place… to help not lead them into temptation and to not make provision for their flesh.
Jerry Bridges does a wonderful job explaining this in his book called, Transforming Grace.
But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.
Rom. 13:14
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature..
Gal. 5:1,13
Comments (10)
This is so wonderful and true. We do need to be careful that our ‘rules’ are not extra-biblical or our own just because…..
Thanks for sharing
Hindsight often provides a better view of what we should have done. But God…..in His mercy and grace intervenes on our behalf, even through the mistakes we made as parents. I am like you though..”.if only I had known, I would have done things differently.” I believe every parent alive could honestly say the same thing. That is why Scripture encourages the older women to teach the younger women…we gain wisdom through experience…and then we pass along the truths that we have learned. I keep learning even now and still look to the older women in my life to help me.
What would you do differently if you could do things over?
Good post. My dd read something when her dd’s were little and learned to work on turning her children’s hearts towards God, so that has always been her focus.
We did do the best we knew how. But I’m glad they grew up inspite of some of our failures. Great encouragement.
Thank you for the gentle encouragement.
@Mother_of_Encouragement - What would I change if I had it to do all over again with my children?
I’d play more and work less…
That sounds like a great book, thanks georgene…
Sheri
@grannyfox - Your daughter is very wise. It sounds a lot like the principles found in Shepherding a Child’s Heart. We’re watching a DVD during Sunday School called The Case for Kids which teaches these principles. Thanks for stopping by!
@georgene - Yes, I think that is the one.
This is a hard one. We do the best we can and hope it is for the best. Thanks for making me think..